ANDY ROONEY STOLE MY SANDWICH
A Special Report
Headline: "Office Scandal Unveiled: 60 Minutes' Andy Rooney Accused of Office Breakroom Sandwich Heist"
October 21, 2023, New York, NY In a surprising turn of events, celebrated journalist Andy Rooney, famous for his long-running segment on "60 Minutes," has been accused of a brazen act of sandwich theft from an office break room in New York. The incident took place earlier this week, & the matter is now making waves in both newsrooms & on social media. It all began when Jason Patrick Voegele, an employee at a local media company, brought his carefully prepared turkey & avocado sandwich to work. The sandwich, a culinary masterpiece, had garnered accolades within the office for its delicious homemade garlic aioli & toasted sourdough bread. On the day in question, security camera footage from the office break room appeared to show Andy Rooney, a guest at the office, casually strolling into the room. The renowned journalist can be seen perusing the break room refrigerator, eventually seizing Voegele’s sandwich, and promptly devouring it without remorse.
The Accusation: Stunned by the blatant act of larceny, Voegele confronted Andy Rooney about the stolen sandwich & recalled, "I said, 'Hey, that was my sandwich,' & he just looked at me and said, 'What sandwich? I didn't see any sandwich.'"
Denial from Rooney: When questioned about the incident, Mr. Rooney vehemently denied any wrongdoing. In a brief statement to our news team, Rooney’s lawyers maintained his innocence & Rooney himself, simply stated, “Look folks, I have no recollection of any sandwich. I must have been mistaken for someone else." The media company where the incident occurred has not officially commented on the situation. However, it is rumored that a new policy regarding the handling of food in the break room may be implemented to prevent future loss. As "The Great Sandwich Heist" continues to raise more questions than answers about lunchtime ethics, for now, Andy Rooney denies any involvement as police continue to review security footage & proceed with the ongoing investigation.
