The San Francisco International Airport
A Critical Review
San Fran appears to be a postindustrial wasteland from a quick view out the moving sidewalk window. I thought it would look like it did in Mrs. Doubtfire or the opening credits of Full House. I could only see a sliver of the city from over the top of a far-off cement airport wall so, to be fair, I should probably leave the airport and go see the city up close eventually, but from my current point of view It’s hard to believe that this place is more expensive than New York. Look here... a gender-neutral toilet sandwiched between a men’s room and a lady’s room. These Californians sure are covering all their bases. As I was buying a five-dollar bottle of water and an eight-teen dollar ham and American cheese premade wrap I noticed 4 young women dressed in what I believe to be cotton pajama onesies running from gate-to-gate swinging carryon bags that oscillated wildly across their necks from left to right and back again as they galloped, giant jugs bouncing up and down shamelessly. One woman had a small accessory dog tucked under her armpit who was having a massive temper tantrum. There is nothing erotic about this. These are just some of my first observations and first impressions of terminal F at The San Francisco international airport.
Opposite the gender-neutral toilet there is what could be a somewhat sanitary Yoga studio and a coin or credit card operated robot coffee barista swiveling its giant robot arm around behind a sheet of Plexiglas, packing down espresso for the eager masses who seem more than willing to pay boucoup bucks for the spectacle. Other than that, it’s pretty much your generic international shopping mall airport with several massive duty-free shops and a couple of interestingly reasonable authentic Japanese and Vietnamese restaurants. The artwork in this place is the expected sub-par non offensive public art that probably made someone some good money but fails to satisfy souls. Most of them are monumental in scale and cover a lot of square footage. There’s a smaller fancy Wayne Thibeaux cityscape of those famous downtown San Fran streets you see in movies, but the rest is pretty, yet soulless corporate garbage. Even the Thibeaux was poorly lit and behind quarter inch Plexiglas. Harsh criticism I know but for the budget this building must have, whoever curates this place could have done just about anything more interesting or engaging. The only thing worse in my book than frustratingly bad artwork is frustratingly bland artwork. There is plenty of that here for those who enjoy mayonnaise and white bread sandwiches. Other than the Thibeaux I suppose there were a few other interesting objects on display. There was a large psychedelic kinetic pinwheel installation by Eric Staller titled, “Spirogyrate” 2014. It was subtly hidden away in an alcove of comfy chairs that were probably consciously designed to alleviate layover purgatory distress. That’s a real thing so it seemed thoughtful. There’s no lack of culinary options in Terminal F. In fact, if you walk over to terminal G you’ll find two massive food courts and in one you will find my new favorite restaurant called Bacon, Bacon. The reason for this should require no explanation. So, to sum up I’ve seen a lot worse than San Francisco International Airport. I wish it had better art and yes, it’s fair to argue that my interpretation is subjectively biased because I can be an art snob sometimes, and you’d be right. Perhaps I’m being too hard on the collection, but I’ve also seen a lot better than San Francisco International Airport. Considering the cost of erecting this massive architectural wonder, the folks in charge could have been a little more creative. I give it three out of five robot café-lattes.
