My Relationship with George Burns
A Critical Review
It was the 1970s, & I was a struggling comedian trying to make a name for myself in the industry. I’d been working on a set of jokes that were just killer & I was sure my career would blow up just as soon as some big shot took notice of me. That's when I got a call from George Burns, the legendary comedian & actor. I was thrilled when he asked me to meet him at his hotel room in downtown LA to discuss my act. I couldn't believe that one of my idols was taking an interest in my work. At first, I was start struck, but shortly after I arrived things took a strange turn. George Burns seemed to be more interested in stealing my jokes than helping me develop as an artist. He asked me to tell him some of my best material, & as I did, he jotted it all down in a notebook. I started to feel uneasy, but before I could say anything, he took out a pair of handcuffs & locked them around my wrists. He blindfolded me & tied me to a chair. I could hear his rusty switchblade pop open as he explained that he needed all my jokes, or he’d do the unthinkable.
For several days, George Burns kept me locked up in his hotel room demanding that I tell him jokes. I tried to resist, but he was relentless. He chain-smoked giant cigars & would only give me enough food & whiskey to barely survive. I was beginning to fear there would be no hope of ever being rescued when suddenly, the police burst open the door to George Burns' hotel room & arrested him. I was freed from my bondage, & George Burns was charged with kidnapping & theft of intellectual property. I never knew who tipped off the fuzz.
Despite the trauma, it was a relief that justice had been served. George Burns was sentenced to life in prison, and I was able to reclaim all my jokes. It’s 2023 now & I’m proud to say that I’ve finally become the successful comedian I always knew I could be. Looking back, I realize how lucky I was to survive that ordeal. It taught me that in the entertainment industry, you need to be careful who you trust.
