CEDAR POINT – Good Eats Diner
A Critical Review
Crowded to capacity from the rain outside, the place looked like an unsupervised eastern European refugee camp. There were no toilets here which was unfortunate. The closest one was a 5-minute dash through a lightning storm to a fly infested public hell hole that, although unconfirmed, appeared to have visible herpes on the toilet seat. Inside Cedar Point amusement park just outside of Sandusky, Ohio my family found itself hunkered down & sheltered in place from a torrential thunderstorm that shut down all the rides & games for over an hour. Our shelter just happened to be a 1950's style burger joint called Good Eats Diner. Although they do sell hamburgers here, I would soon come to discover that these hamburgers were not fit for human consumption. With my 35 dollar all day dining plan bracelet I bravely approached the counter to assemble what appeared to be food for the gang. One bite into her hamburger, & Evan’s Sophia claimed to have been poisoned. Although her poisoning was also unconfirmed it did require an unscheduled pit stop to the herpes toilet which I have already described as grossly unsanitary & unreasonably far away. Later, after the rain had subsided, we made our way to a country western themed saloon for some alcohol & entertainment. There we found a stage show that I can only describe as comically disturbing. Imagine an overly enthusiastic off Broadway show about an amateur country band playing a gig at an amusement park and there you are. I may or may not have said that out loud at which point the lead singer came down into the audience and asked me to trade hats so I could go on stage to do his job. My answer was no. He then became visibly upset before returning to the stage to joyfully murder another tune. We then left to stand in line for an hour to ride the "Millennial Force" roller coaster which must be a Star Wars copyright infringement. All in all, Cedar Point was a blast apart from the above-mentioned distractions. 4 stars for the good times, minus 1 star for the Good Eats Diner. Highly recommended for those with patience who also enjoy vertigo and shitty undercooked hamburders.
