Jeff Koons, Birthday Clown at Large

Breaking News

Connie: Breaking news. Citizens are concerned about an apparent outbreak of visual hogwash in Chelsea this morning. At approximately 6pm last night doors opened at an unidentified art gallery on 23rd street to the horror of local residents, business owners and visiting tourists who all expressed outrage at what one visitor, who preferred to remain anonymous, described as, “a total shit show”. He continued to describe the artworks as “abominations and, inexcusable.” He went on to say, “Apparently, the molded orange balloon dogs served no other purpose other than to grab cash from uninformed and bamboozled dupes with excessive disposable incomes and no sense of taste.” We now take you live to the scene of the atrocity with insight from local art correspondent Avery Billingsworth. Avery, as this story unfolds, what more do we know about the tragic situation?

Avery: It's a mess Connie. Concerned citizens have gathered on the corner of 23rd and 10th this morning to protest the exhibition. There seems to be no discernable motive for the lack of talent here or reason for public display. Historically, balloon dogs have been the work of children’s birthday party clowns and it seems that the accused artist may be just that. According to a local whistleblower this isn’t the first time the assailant has attempted to wheedle passersby with shiny metal items. Just how the self-described “artist” went about the manufacture of these nonsensical objects is yet to be confirmed. Local residents are seeking answers and a statewide congressional review is underway. Unfortunately, both the artist studio and gallery have declined comment at this time. Back to you Connie.